I love you all dearly, but we need to talk. I’ve heard from so many friends about how jealous they are about me coming to England and how they wish they could just come over here and travel the country, or even backpack through the whole of Europe. And you know what? That’s fantastic! You should totally do it if your budget and/or constitution can handle it. However, it really bears mentioning that when you do this you cannot expect it to magically make whatever life issues you are having better. This isn’t to say I think anyone is delusional about life at all, but going abroad seems to be a similar trap to losing weight.
“When I get to my goal weight then I’ll be more confident and fall in love.”
“When I’m skinny I’ll go for that job I’ve always dreamt of.”
“When I’m not fat anymore I won’t get depressed so easily.”
Sound familiar? Well, I’ve heard similar things about moving far away from home too. It seems to be a default behaviour that we all fantasize about every now and again – running away from our problems and starting fresh in a new place. And in a way you can. However, you’ve got to face those demons first and learn from what’s making you struggle before you move on to bigger and better things.
Studying or living abroad will not mean that you’ll feel more confident if you’re already mentally beating yourself up. It may even tear you down further before bringing you back up again. Nothing is quite so humbling as realising how other people see your country, regardless of whether or not you’re proud of it. It’s also incredibly difficult at times to be confident that you’ll even manage to stay after the fact when you’ve suddenly got to be better than all the EU or else get (quite literally) deported once your student visa is expired. There’s no going back to mom and dad’s for a few months until you land a job.
Studying or living abroad will also not mean that you’ll suddenly become brave and beautiful and exotic and have people falling in love with you for being foreign. I get this jokingly from a lot of my friends, asking if I’ll find them a British Boyfriend. Ladies, there is no Mr Darcy or some stereotypical man in posh dress waiting to sweep you off your American sneakers. There are men that are anti-America, pro-America, or don’t care, and the only differences you’ll find between the American and British men (and I mean this in the best of joking intentions of course) are that the ones here will sound funny to you (and sometimes hard to understand) and make cultural references to things you don’t get. That’s it. I may be letting the cat out of the bag, but people from other countries are in fact, just people and you should be dating them because you like them as a person and not because they say loo instead of toilet. Dating and falling in love will still be scary, and you won’t get off the hook any easier being somewhere far away and new. Though resorting to genial stereotypical teasing about your respective countries is always a fun perk. 😉
Finally, studying or living abroad will not mean that your depression or anxiety about life will get better. In fact, there will be days when it may just make it worse. Not understanding (and then failing at) societal norms or just having a moment of homesickness is rough. Rougher is having to just barrel through it because you can’t give up and go home. If you can make it through though, I do think this one will help your worldview. It may not make the depression or anxiety go away, but you’ll develop tools on how to better deal with it. Also, SAD lights are your friend when you aren’t seeing the sun enough in the winter. Seriously.
Anyway, I don’t want to rant and ramble at y’all all night, so I’ll keep it brief. Basically, we’re all a little cracked and chipped in this world and nothing will make it better but ourselves. Doesn’t matter where in the world you are.